Your closet is full, but every morning you’re standing there thinking “no, no, no, none of this feels right.” And as this goes on day after day, it makes you realize how unhappy you are with your wardrobe.
So then you shop. Because that seems like the logical next step.
But it’s not.
After 30 years of styling women—from celebrities to midlife women navigating major life transitions—I can tell you this: most women are curating their wardrobes completely backwards.
They think the solution to “I have nothing to wear” is to buy more clothes. But that just adds to the clutter, creating confusion and overwhelm.
Here’s what actually works.
1. CONNECT to “What’s Me”
This is where you connect your image to your style essentials – your essence and elements – and it’s the step where you align your wardrobe with your evolving identity. Before you clear a single item or buy anything new, you need to discern “What’s ME.” You need to know what your style actually looks like through all the changes you’ve been going through in midlife.
Because when your body changes and your life starts to look different, it’s hard to know what works for your style anymore. And that sets you up for one of the biggest mistakes I see: women confuse style essence with style elements.
Your style essence is the overall feeling or vibe—sporty, elegant, romantic, edgy. Your style elements are the specific pieces: the cuts, colors, fabrics, and design details that create that essence.
Women are drawn to someone’s essence but copy their exact elements, which often don’t work for their own body or life.
Here’s what I mean: you see a woman with a sporty vibe wearing a double breasted orange blazer, and you’re drawn to her – sporty feels approachable, energetic, and you want that energy. So you buy the orange blazer. But when you put it on, it’s not you. You bought into her essence but got the elements wrong.
That’s why discerning “What’s ME” is crucial, especially in midlife with all the changes happening. It’s really easy to buy into someone else’s essence and elements when you aren’t clear on your own.
Once you complete this step, you have a clear creative direction for moving forward with your personal style. You’ve discerned “What’s ME” and can see what your style could actually be.
2. CLEAR The Old And Outdated
I know it’s not glamorous, and nobody wants to do it, but here’s why step 2 matters. When you’re unhappy with your wardrobe, you need to get rid of what doesn’t fit, feel right or look good because those items are carrying stagnant energy. And this is weighing you down.
The pants that bunch weird at the waist. The jacket that doesn’t make you feel good anymore. The dress you keep thinking you’ll wear but never do.
Each time you pass them in your closet, you are GIVING them your consideration which is draining.
Better to let them go.
By the end of your closet cleanout, you’ll have less clothes. And this can be very triggering for many women. Because they feel like they don’t have enough. They won’t be prepared. And that’s why many end up in a panic shop.
But that’s a huge mistake because they’re missing out on an important step of their wardrobe curation.
3. CREATE Your Captivating Presence (In Two Phases)
Phase 1: Shop Your Own Closet
Once you’ve cleared, you shop your own closet. Try things on. Make outfits. See what you actually have.
This is where most women skip ahead.
Either they believe they’re not good at pairing outfits, or they think they don’t have anything worth wearing. They also think they know what’s in their closet. But when you actually pull things out and put them together, you start to see what works and what doesn’t.
You’ll discover pieces you forgot about. You’ll find combinations you never considered before. And most importantly, you’ll see what your wardrobe is actually missing.
This step changes everything because now you’re working with what you have instead of constantly looking outside for answers.
Phase 2: Deliberate Store Shop
Then and only then do you do a deliberate store shop. Because now you actually know what you’re looking for.
You’re not wandering around buying things because they look good on the hanger or because someone else is wearing them. You’re shopping with purpose. You know the gaps. You know what would actually complete an outfit or give you more options.
This is how you curate a wardrobe that works for your life instead of adding to the clutter.
Why This Approach Works
Here’s what I see happen all the time: women get stuck in a cycle: feel bad about wardrobe → shop → feel better temporarily → still wear the same things → feel bad again.
This approach breaks that cycle.
When you CONNECT first, you discern “What’s Me”. When you CLEAR next, you’re getting rid of the energy-draining clothes. And when you CREATE—shopping your closet to see what you have in new ways, then shopping deliberately with purpose—you’re building a wardrobe that supports who you’re becoming.
But here’s what most people don’t realize: your curated wardrobe is just the beginning.
Because once you start getting dressed from a cohesive, versatile closet that’s in full alignment with who you’re becoming, you start to see yourself differently. And that changes how you show up, how you carry yourself, and how others perceive you.
Your friends, family, and colleagues might not be able to put their finger on it. They’ll notice your outfit looks great, but there’s something more: an energy, an ease, a confidence that wasn’t there before.
That’s your captivating presence. And your curated wardrobe sets the stage.
Ready to Start?
If you’re ready to stop the cycle and curate a wardrobe that makes getting dressed easy, start here: the fastest way to revive your style is to clear your outdated clothes.
I created a free guide that walks you through my 5-step process to do exactly that.
Most women don’t know to do it this way. But now you do.