There’s a bunch of books by my bedside, and every time I see them I feel guilty for not finishing them. (Except for this one…I devoured it in a week!)
A client told me she feels the same way about clothing she never wears. “I should be wearing them, but whenever I put them on…they’re uncomfortable,” she told me.
Like my intention for reading the books, my client wanted to wear those clothes…
But we both ended up with excess stuff because we skipped an important step.
Practicing discernment. We needed to be more choosy about what we brought into our lives!
Making a choice means making a commitment, and most of us are too busy for that! So we don’t choose because it’s easier.
But if you’re not selective with what you bring into your life, you end up with clutter. This dilutes both your personal style, and who you are as a person.
Examples are keeping company with people who don’t bring out your best, saying yes to projects that don’t show your true potential, or wearing things that don’t reflect who you are. They all hold you back from your full expression.
To help you with the struggle of too many misalignments in your life, I’m sharing why you need to be more discerning. And how to overcome the blocks that may get into your way.
Why Practice Discernment
The number one reason to practice discernment is because every option or opportunity won’t be the right fit. When you look at a restaurant menu, you wouldn’t order everything they offer. You decide what you want and have that. You discern.
I know some of you may have hang ups about being picky. Like I don’t want to be that person in the restaurant who orders no olives, extra feta and dressing on the side.
But instead of thinking of yourself as being choosy, see it as CHOOSING ME. Because although discerning requires many NOs, you’re also saying YES to who you are now and where you’re going in life.
When you don’t discern, you’re allowing for misalignments— things that aren’t right for you. In the restaurant that could be eating things you don’t like. At home, it could be a closet full of clothes, yet you feel like you have nothing to wear. Or a bunch of impulse purchases that hang in your closet with the tags still on.
Selectivity is a skill. And it’s developed with practice.
Here’s why you may not practice discernment and how to overcome these hurdles.
It’s A PIA To Choose
If you’re anything like me then you have a lot of decisions to make each day. Like:
- What should I eat for breakfast.
- What should my kids eat for breakfast
- What should I wear
- What should I tackle first on my to do list
And the list goes on.
I don’t need more decisions in my life. That’s why I’m often looking for shortcuts. Saying yes is a shortcut. It’s much easier than saying no!
Discernment Requires Effort
If you’re in the restaurant, you may be curious about an item, but there’s an ingredient that you’re not familiar with. Since you don’t feel like asking the waiter about that ingredient, you don’t decide. You order the thing you always order.
If you got an interview request, or an opportunity to work with someone, you don’t want to rush into saying yes. You must do the research to ensure they’re a good fit. And that takes time and energy.
If your closet is stuffed with clothes you don’t wear, you need to go through everything to see what’s no longer aligned. And that’s a hassle! You may put off your closet cleanout because you don’t want to do the work involved.
To overcome this hurdle, or the fact that the effort feels like a burden, stay connected to who you are today and where you’re going in your life. Invest the time and energy into your future self. She’s worth it!
It’s The Only Option
The other reason you may resist practicing discernment is because you’re afraid there won’t be any other options or opportunities. This often leads to tolerating less than ideal circumstances. It’s hard to say no to something when you’re not sure if you’ll be able to do any better.
I’ve seen this show up with women who are looking for a special occasion outfit. They’re on a mission to find THE DRESS. They order a bunch of options online. And when they try them all on they realize they don’t love any of them. But they keep one and wear it anyway because they don’t think they’ll find anything else. (Also, it requires more work to find something better which brings us back to reason #1 of not practicing discernment in the first place.)
Saying no when you don’t know if something else will show up requires a belief that you deserve better. I know I’ve settled for less than ideal circumstances believing it’s all I deserved.
But it also requires confidence. This is about having the trust in yourself to know that you can create better options.
The Confidence In Yourself
It’s hard not knowing what else is out there for you. But the confidence that you develop from trusting yourself is invaluable. This could be even more valuable than the actual opportunity you were hoping for.
Sometimes all the choices are overwhelming and we need extra support to discern what’s right. This is how I help my clients. We craft a plan for their personal style that’s in full alignment with what they love, what looks good and what suits them now. Curious how that would work for you? Book a complimentary call and we’ll discuss your unique situation and how to have a distinctive style that reflects your ability to choose well.
Click here to book your call.